A venting session

I am angry. I am a physical mess. I feel very alone.

I was very sick last week, I had a fever hovering around 101-103 degrees for 5 fays and had a blazing throat infection. Y�know, the kind where you open your mouth in the mirror to see if your throat is red and lo and behold, your tonsil is covered in green-white puss. Mmmm. I was extra pleased with that. I then spent most of last week simply trying to not pass out while the baby played on the floor. I haven�t been that sick in years. I could not believe how lousy I felt. The worst part was there was no one to help me. Not 1 person who could take the baby for a few hours so I could get some much needed sleep, who could make me some soup for lunch, or even just entertain the baby for a while. My husband had to work late every night and was unable to help me at all, and there was no one else. I suppose I could have called my mother for help in the evenings, but I couldn�t bear the thought of her looking disapprovingly at me in my weakened state, her saying �you husband should be here helping you. Where is he? He should be here for his wife and child�. So, I forged ahead alone, feeling bad and feeling alone. The only saving grace to last week was us going to Ottawa for the weekend. That meant I did not have to cook, clean, or do anything. I got to hang out, read, and rest. My fever finally broke on Sunday morning. Thank the gods for Ottawa, otherwise I think I may have lost it completely.

This week is shaping up to suck completely too. So far I have been getting cold sores like they�re going out of style. It started with 1 a few days ago, and this morning I have counted 5, yes, that�s 5, cold sores. Add them to my period, and we�ve got one disease ridden, mass of disgusting, bloated female.

To add to my happy feelings this week, the Husband has worked late most of this week and will be working all weekend. Welcome to single motherhood.

Look, I understand, at least in my pea-brain, that he needs to work late sometimes. My in my heart I hate it and am getting pretty pissed about it. The fact is he works during all of his spare time now, and has little time or energy for his family. He gets to spend about 15 minutes a day (if that) with his daughter, which is not very cool. She�s not going to have any idea who he is soon. Besides that I have zero help in both the parenting and home departments. None, zip. I thought I was in a partnership here, not flying solo. I tell you, I have a new profound respect for single mothers. I don�t know how they do it, really. Wow.

So, I am feeling unhappy. I don�t even feel appreciated for everything that I do. I don�t get a �Honey, I know these past few months have been really tough, I want you to know that I really appreciate you taking the load on your shoulders. You�re doing a great job.� Or something. I just feel like the nanny, cook and housekeeper. Sex is, of course, out of the question. Not that I am feeling terribly amorous these days. When you feel unappreciated and alone sexual activity is the farthest thing from your mind.

Anyway, just needed to vent. I hope this lump in my chest starts to loosen soon, or I may find myself crying in the grocery store or something.

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Black and white - Colour

Rant and/or Rave at will